Adverts really are a load of auld wank

Adverts really are a load of auld wank. Cillit bang just hasn't been the same since Barry Scott stopped shouting! Why, just why do elephants now climb trees, and why do charlie's angels apply their mascara to the tune of "Magnum PI"?

This, it must be said is fucked up. Not good. Can people really be so easily led so as to believe that Slimfast can get some bird into a pink bridesmaid dress in a month? Fuck off you bint!

And why does the woman have her 80yr old mother visit daily to use her "circulation booster? Tell you what you selfish bitch, bring the fucking thing to her house, and while your there, make her a fucking cuppa you lazy shite, she wiped your arse!

Wankers! If they'd any sense they'd follow the Bill Hicks concept of advertising. Camera moves to a beautiful girl. Pans down to her breasts. Pans further to her groin at which it emblasions ....... "Drink Coke"

Fackinell I fancy a coke!

What hums my balls today

Right, this really pisses me off.  Those 'self-service' checkouts they have now in supermarkets.  They're fucking ridiculous! For God's sake, you stand in a queue behind these brainless drones because "you've got more than 10 items Sir" to try and balance your stuff on a bloody 1ft square plate, and when things inevitably fall off (which they always do), you end up having to call those useless dullards who "are there to help you", all while they look at you like you've got two heads! Fuckers!

Then, if your £20 isn't fresh from the bloody ATM, the machine keeps spitting it out! Gorstrikealight!

And then! And then! you see the mile long queue at the cigarette kiosk!  Fackinell!!!!

Worst of all are those "express" shops cropping up, Tesco and the like.  You try getting a pint of milk and 20 Regal from them at 8am, with no-one standing at the counter, cos they're all supervising the "self-fucking-service" queue!

Why do more people not just kick the shit out of these things?